don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
