I just saw a hot homeless man
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
