OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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