THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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