How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
