1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
