Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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