My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
