i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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