he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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