She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
