It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
