A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
