Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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