I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
