Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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