i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
