You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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