Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
