you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
