My liver just broke up with me...
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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