I got chris browned last night
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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