god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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