Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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