Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
