im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
