I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
