you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
