What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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