just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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