I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
