Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
