And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
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