wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
