i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
