Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
