there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
