Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Randomize
