It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
