apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
