Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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