I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Houston, we have a squirter
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Randomize
