I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
