well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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