he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
