There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
