I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
