Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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