Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
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