Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
