Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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