the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
