YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
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