im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
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