I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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