What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
