I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
