I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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